Tim's Guide to Golf Etiquette

Hi! I'm afraid you missed that turn at Albuquerque and you ended up here. I know, I know. That's the last time you're going to trust Bugs Bunny with directions. Well, come on in, take a seat, grab yourself a drink; because today we're going to discuss

GOLF.

More specifically, golf etiquette.

Even more specifically, my preferred public golf course etiquette and some things to keep in mind.

So sit back, relax. I promise to try not to be a condescending douche.

RULE #1. You. Are. Not. Tiger. Woods.*
* If you are Tiger Woods, please carry on and thanks for visiting Spaghettios and Baseballs!

This is rule #1 because I think it's really the most important. You need to accept the fact that you are not going to go out tomorrow at Joe Schmoe CC and break the course record. You also need to accept that no one else at the course is going to do that either. For you and I, this is a game. It's recreational. If you're putting money on it, that's your prerogative; but while you're lacing up your shoes, please go ahead and cut yourself and everyone else a lot of slack. It'll be better for everyone if you do.

Also, that's the only rule because I don't feel like making rules.

So now that we got that out of the way, on to.....
Tim's Grand Theory of Golf Etiquette
which sounds cool and big and awesome, but really is almost exactly what you should have been taught the first time someone convinced you to pick up a set of clubs

Let's start with attire.
Most courses require that you at least have a collared shirt on. That should be your go to item. If you aren't sure, call ahead. In fact, really I'd be happy if you just automatically assumed collared shirt and left your dirty college orientation t-shirt at home. Outside of that, do whatever makes you happy. You want to rock a flat-brim and full on orange ensemble a la Ricky Fowler? Great, more power to you. Same thing with those crazy pink John Daly pants (although I hope you get it past the ladies tee in those, otherwise your friends are going to give you a pretty hard time). Finally, you don't need golf shoes, but...
1) They'll help your game.
2) You likely spent a couple hundred bucks on clubs...what is another $80 for good shoes?
Congratulations, you're dressed to golf, and I'm not embarrassed for you!

Let's walk through a "typical" hole and talk about what you should be doing. For sake of completeness, let's say you're on hole 3 now, you tee'd off with no one behind your foursome, and a twosome has now caught you at the 3rd tee.

Let the twosome play through. There is no way you're going to play faster than them, and they don't want to spend the whole day sitting in their cart watching you hit while their beers get warm. Now I know you're saying, "Tim. This is a no brainer." And I'm saying "Guys, I play golf. This needs to be said again. I'm sorry, it's not your fault." What if he's a single and you're a group of two or three? You have two options - let him play through or offer him a spot in your group. If play is slow in front of you (lots of foursomes) I recommend having him join. It will slow your group down and keep you off the next group's back, and you'll get to meet someone. If he/she says no, just let the player play through. Easy.

Okay great, that twosome played through (That tall kid w/ the plaid shorts murdered that drive didn't he), and now you're teeing off. If the course is busy, have the shortest hitter hit first (forget that "honors" stuff). That way by the time you get up there, mister 315, little Jimmy and Johnny are probably at the green and you're not gonna have to explain to Mrs. Jimmy and Johnny why your colossal drive killed both of her sons.
Also, try to keep an eye on nearby holes because God knows the chance is 100x higher that your ball is going onto one of those. You may need to yell fore. Finally, if you aren't hitting, spot for the guy who is. I'm pretty good at tracking other people's shots. However, I am literally garbage at following my own, especially off the tee.

Okay so now we're leaving the tee. If you're walking, start walking straight to your ball. If you're driving, don't be afraid to drop your partner off at his and then go to yours. The goal here is to play ready golf. While it is courteous to stay behind the person currently hitting, it's slow. Be the judge of your own safety and advance forward as far as you can. Once you get to your ball, get into your pre-shot routine instead of watching everyone hit. Obviously, you want to be sure you're not going to get hit, but once you're out of the danger zone there is no reason to waste time. I don't personally care how long (within reason) your pre-shot routine is. Do what you need to do to hit your shot. Once you've hit, pick up and move on. Of course, repair divots

Congrats! You've made it to the green. Arguably the most important thing on the course. Sadly, this is when people like to forget Rule #1.

First, let's do a quick talk about taking care of your greens. As I said, the green is the most important part of the golf course. Just think how mad you get when someone's ballmark or footprint messes up your line. So, please, don't run on them. Don't slam your putter when you miss a putt. Really don't drive near them (If you're driving or rolling your cart on them, please just leave. We don't want you) And for crying out loud FIX YOUR BALLMARKS. Having mowed greens at 5:45 in the morning in the dark (so you early risers could get out before breakfast), I can tell you what happens when you don't fix that ballmark. I do my little recon lap while I pull the pin, but it's dark still, so I don't see your ballmark. I start mowing, and the next thing I know, your little ballmark is now one big grassless scalped spot. This is bad. It looks bad and plays bad. And I (or really, the 16 year old kid making minimum wage) get in trouble because you're a jack ass. Take care of the greens.

Okay, so now we're putting. Ready golf rules apply again. Do what you need to do to find your line (within reason...don't walk 3 laps of the green). Avoid walking in other player's lines. The closest person to the pin should pull the pin, while the furthest guy should be ready to putt. If you're close, just finish out your putt instead of re-marking and waiting for the next furthest guy. I promise you that if you think less about a 2 foot putt, you will make it WAY more often.

Great, you finished putting - clear off the green quickly so the next group can hit. Finally, write your scores down at the next tee box.

Finally a few general pointers.
1) talk quietly if you can, other people are golfing too
2) Don't talk during another golfer's backswing
3) If you go onto someone else's hole, try your best to get in and hit out quickly.
4) Be respectful of ground under repair, and especially respectful of the maintenance workers on the course. I spent 3 years at a golf course doing maintenance. I've been hit once and nearly hit a few other times. Just because they're wearing hard hats doesn't mean you don't have to yell fore. Don't be a dick. It takes a ton of hard work to keep a course in good shape day in and day out. We'd love a compliment on the course, and we'll pass along constructive criticism.

Great, see that wasn't so bad. Now go out and shank a few balls and drink a few beers. Have some fun, because that's what it's all about folks.

If you have any additions or comments, drop them in the comments section. I'd love to hear some feedback.

Reactions & Reflections 4/15/2013

If you’re reading this, for whatever reason, thank you. I didn’t want to post something directly to Facebook or anything, there’s enough people spouting things on there and it’s not really my style.

I want to paint a picture, put the thoughts and the emotion on a page, mostly for myself about today. Because it seemed important, because it’s cathartic, because we all share this experience differently, and because in many ways we’re probably feeling much the same. So if you’ll try to stick with me, I’ll try to make this somehow coherent.

I will never forget this day. I don’t have an option, a choice, in the matter. I’ll have a permanent mental video, like someone suddenly turned on a black box recorder on my optic nerves, of the moments after I read that first tweet that an explosion had been reported at the Boston Marathon. It’ll go onto that unfortunate shelf in my brain next to the Oklahoma City bombing – I was 6, I remember sitting 3 ft. from my TV, my grandma was watching me and my cousins, I was playing w/ the big Legos, and on that TV screen was that collapsed section of building – and 9/11 – stuck in traffic on a school bus in downtown Cleveland, hushed 7^th grade voices talking about something having happened in NYC, then arriving back at NRMS and watching in disbelief the news on the TV in our classroom…the lights off. Today I was at work, awaiting a quote for a purchase order, doing homework, refreshing Twitter and Facebook too often. Then, we put CBS on the computers, and listened. I kept refreshing twitter, waiting for more news. I will always be able to hear, in my head and my heart, the sound of the first bomb going off in one of the videos. I was shocked, trying to comprehend what I was watching. You won’t forget where you were today. You won’t get a choice in it either.

But, I do get a choice in what I do next. In the coming days, we’ll learn what happened. We’ll watch as information comes out on those responsible. We’ll follow as a city, a state, a nation, and a world seek truth and justice. We’ll be crushed by stories of loss and sadness. But, we’ll also see, in the face of great violence, malice, and evil, the power of humanity; the power of love; the power of courage; the power of hope. I choose to believe in that humanity, that love, that courage, that hope. I choose to share in those. Because so long as we have those things in our world, violence, evil, and hate of any kind cannot win. So yeah, I’m going to embrace this human experience. I’m going to love unconditionally. I’m going to act courageously. And I’m going to forever place my faith and hope in you to do the same.

So yeah, that’s where I’m at right now. I don’t know about you, but today I want to run a marathon.

Here's Your Shot Kid...Bruno Senna & Lotus Renault GP

Some thoughts on Bruno Senna and the Belgian GP...

I'll be eagerly awaiting this weekend's Belgian Grand Prix at the legendary Spa - Francorchamps. Despite the surprising and somewhat shady dismissal of Nick Heidfeld by the Enstone team, I'm pretty excited to see what Bruno Senna can do in the Renault. The kid definitely has driving talent, and he got a pretty bum rap starting his formula 1 career in the pathetic-excuse-for-an-f1-car HRT last year. Undoubtedly though, the rest of this season - should he remain in the seat - will be a true test and audition for Senna. Perhaps not for a 2012 seat with Lotus Renault GP, but certainly for a possible seat at another midfield team. The best thing that could happen would be for Bruno to outpeform Vitaly Petrov, and score points for the team. Drivers don't get many shots at an F1 drive. So, Bruno Senna, this is you're big shot. I expect him to make the best of it.

Weekend Recap

For the first 'real' post, I'm looking back on this long weekend from the end of OSU finals week on Thursday (6/9) until, well, now. And boy, was it a busy weekend.

Where to start? Probably finals ending...
Finals are over. Spring quarter is over. I can't possibly explain how exciting that was on Thursday afternoon at 1:15pm. This quarter was stupid because I decided to play the 'how much can my life be like Greg Ebersole's' game. Basically, it was a big experiment to see how I would handle having 5 engineering classes during the premier social quarter at OSU.....READ: This was an idiotic, but unfortunately necessary decision. To make a long story short, I'm a little behind on my M.E. degree, and I needed to take a heavy quarter to get back on track. As a result, myself and one of my closest FIJI brothers ended up with a nightly schedule like this - Homework, Dinner, TG at x bar, Library till 4 - for pretty much the entirety of Greek Week. The rest of the quarter was pretty similar, except remove the TG part and just put in more homework. How did you do you ask? Well, my grades were just fine (except for ME 505, dammit), but my immune system got put through the wringer, resulting in one helluva 5 day viral infection. If you know me, you know I never leave school, I don't get work done at home and I don't really have time to go home. This infection sent me home for 3 days and to 3 separate doctors. Stupid. So obviously you can imagine that finals ending was, for me, pretty much the best day of the year thus far.

But.....
Yep, there's always a but. And the but with this quarter is that after watching a lot of my closest friends, brothers, classmates, and girlfriend graduate today (aside - beautiful day @ the shoe = wayfarer outline on my face where my sunburn isn't. #Fail) I have begun to realize that the remainder of my college experience is going to be far different without them around. I'm really gonna miss all of them, each and every one of them - some more than others - have influenced my life and helped shape me into the person I am today. They've each made a significant contribution to my human evolution and, although it is a natural part of life, a bit of my last year will be empty without them around. Simple as that. I'll probably have a bigger, separate blog about that later on, but now we're moving onto a totally different topic from this weekend.....

Motorsports! I'm a huge racing fan and this was an amazing weekend to be a racing fan. The big event this weekend was the 24 Hours of Le Mans - the annual 24 hour sports car endurance race at the Circuit de la Sarthe. As has been the case in recent years, this year's race, in the LMP1 class, was a battle between prototype giants Audi and Peugeot. As a huge fan of Audi's racing team, I was stoked when they took the overall pole for the race. Of course, for a 24 hour race, the pole position is important but not all that important. Like many other fans, I was shocked by the sheer destruction of the accidents involving 2 of Audi's 3 R18 race cars. The first, involving my favorite endurance racer, and one of my favorite drivers in general, Allan McNish, you can see here:




And the second, involving the #1 Audi car driven by Mike Rockenfeller, here:

Thankfully both drivers were okay. Remarkably, the remaining Audi car was able to hold on and win the race! No doubt an emotional victory for the Audi team. And, of course I'm pleased with the result.

The second major racing event of the weekend was the Formula 1 Canadian Grand Prix. I didn't get to see it, but apparently it was an absolute thriller, with McLaren's Jenson Button going from last to first in the final 30 laps to snatch victory from Sebastien Vettel. I can't wait to see some highlights, and I'm excited that Vettel didn't win, as he appears to be flat-out sprinting away with the World Championship this year.

Moving onto the next topic, it would be remiss of me as a Cleveland fan to ignore the weekend in Cleveland sports.

First off, the Dallas Mavericks won the NBA championship. Yes, that means that LeBron did not win a championship. This makes me happy. And really, the Mavs deserve this one. They outplayed Miami big-time in the last 3 games of the series, and I love that a group of great veteran players like Dirk, Jason Kidd, etc. are finally getting a championship ring.

On the topic of the Indians - let's just not talk about the Indians right now.

Hope you enjoyed the post, a little long but hey, it happens.

-Tim

The Grand Opening

Now that spring quarter 2011 is finally over at The Ohio State University, I'm taking the opportunity to start my personal blog. The plan is to update it relatively often, with whatever is on my mind at the time...although I'll make the guess now that there will be a lot of Formula 1 content on here...you can't hide a passion right? Anyways I hope you all like what you see, and hopefully get a glimpse into my mind, my passions, and whatever else makes me tick.


Without further ado, I now declare the blog, "Spaghettios and Baseballs" open for business - blogging to follow

-Tim